BNP Family Fun-Fest

This weekend, the British National Party are holding their annual rally in Derbyshire and it’s being dubbed by anti-BNP groups as a hate-fest.  Groups are forming to protest against the rally which the BNP, with a remarkable show of unlimited imagination, have named the Red, White and Blue (RWB) festival.   Whoopee!  Go Britannia!  They promise a family festival of fun and – get this - diversity and they describe their event as a celebration of White European Culture.  However, the BBC’s Panorama report of previous RWB events challenges this wholesome image by claiming that when the camera’s were taken down so were the masks.  Racist jokes, straight-arm salutes and SS music to name but a few examples of hate.

I detest the BNP and everything it stands for but, sadly enough, they are a legitimate party and for as long as they are doing nothing illegal, they have the right to hold their fascist rally.  Of course the Camp for Climage Change people had the right to hold their rally too but that didn’t stop the police from harrassing them from the offset and trying to smear their campaign.  And it appears that the police are intending to be just as restrictive towards the BNP protesters. 

Sure, the BNP has the right to hold its xenophobic little hate-fest, but the anti-BNP groups have as much right to protest against it, such is our democratic privilege.  This is where that old civil rights issue might rear its rather uncivil head and it remains to be seen as to whether the police will react with any sense of proportion. 

Anyway, here’s my presentation of all the fun things the BNP say you can expect to enjoy at this year’s family BNP fun-fest:

1. Appearance by Patriotic C&W Artist Traven Tucker.  Will present songs in a cultural educational context, ie, will contain not-very-subliminal messages about patriotism and more crucially, white supremacy.
2. Folk Song competition.  All songs must be sung in English or any other European language.  The BNP is NOT racist and loves diversity.  However, any song entries in an inferior, non-white language will be disqualified immediately.  Entries must be submitted at the *Traditional* Food Hall by 1pm Saturday.  Traditional food being salt-soaked fish ‘n’ chips, mushy peas, liver ‘n’ onion and that delicious delicacy, black pudding.
3. Home-brewed traditional beer competition.  Nick Griffin must not be permitted to take part in the judging because a few slurps of the hard stuff might result in him marching up and down the beer tent singing Third Reich military songs.  Sure, that would be good fun and all but some stray, England-bashing reporter might twist it all out of proportion and (gasp!) accuse him of being a neo-Nazi.
4. Children’s Drawing and Poetry Competition.  To be inspired by the RWB.  The kiddies are given the chance to demonstrate in art form what they’ve learned from their not-at-all-racist parents about those evil muslims, those dreadfulsome Jews and those horrid black crime-lord gangs.
5. Wide range of stalls selling Excalibur merchandise.  A chance to buy your swastika’s and other beloved Nazi memorabillia here.  Also available will be DVD’s and CD’s produced by the Great White Records label.
6. Smoking bar.  Brave and rebellious challenge to the illiberal smoking ban.  In this room, you will also be able to purchase unhealthy snacks such as Mars bars, crisps and (gasp!) pork scratchings. And also available will be seafood sold by nubile young serving wenches lassies - because the BNP laughs in the face of political correctness.  Whoopy-doo.

 Oh, and there will be good old traditional Engish Morris Dancing – enough to make you weep.