I have made a decision and I am unanimous. Well at least I would be if only circumstances would allow. I am going to give up work and be a stay-at-home mum. If only I could stay home every day my house would be spotlessly clean, my cluttered cupboards would be clutter-free and all my laundry would be laundered and put away instead of reaching the epic mountainous levels that they so regularly reach. My garden would be a green dream, my vegetables would be thriving and my herbs would be herbalicious. The interior of my car would be clean and people would stop thinking it was a mini skip. I would work-out every day, I would no longer neglect my beauty routine and my good looks would still look good. I would join the twittery “ladies who do lunch”, I would shop for designer bargains and I would browse around the local markets instead of stressing at the supermarket. I would give some time to a worthwhile charity. I would blog more. I would *do nothing* more.
Alas, it will have to be when I reach the official retirement age because we don’t have the luxury of choice. And also, there’s that recession thing lying in ambush waiting to attack. Yes, those who speak with forked tongue say that a recession is imminent and I haven’t a clue how it’s going to affect us so I’d better hang on to my job while it still exists.
But all week I have been desperately tempted to ring in work and request a duvet day. Only thing is, the NHS doesn’t do duvet days, not for medical staff anyway. So last night I was so excited at the prospect of having a Saturday morning lie-in, I could hardly sleep. For the last few Saturday’s I’ve had weddings or I’ve had to work or I’ve had to get my daughter to her dance class, blah, blah. But her dance classes have been re-arranged, it wasn’t my turn to work this week and there were no nonsense nuptials to attend. So today was my big lie-in day.
But no! It wasn’t to be. And guess what sabotaged my lie-in? A fly. A stupid little house-fly. It kept flying past my ears at a million miles an hour buzzing like crazy and the stupid little fecker even had the nerve to crash into my face once or twice which is quite startling when you’re mid-dream I can tell you. My son was playing Guitar Hero downstairs on his Wii and that didn’t keep me awake but a stupid little house-fly about 6mm long, flying around the room on a manic mission to punish me, managed to keep me awake and drag me out of my lovely warm bed.
If there is one creature that I can’t stand, it’s the house-fly – the Musca domestica. Now I understand that flies have their place in the ecosystem and all that (although I’d really like to know just what use they are to the planet) so I won’t kill them. But I can’t tolerate them being in the house. I just can’t. They paddle in dog faeces and they’re all buzzy and annoying. And they’re impossible to catch. I refuse to spray chemicals on any creature. I can scoop up the little spiders, I can cup my hands around the moths and I can catch the daddy-long-legs in a container. And then I safely put them outdoors (because if I didn’t, my two daughters would scream the place down). But flies, they have eyes and sensors all over their body. They must have or they wouldn’t see me sneaking up from behind with a sledgehammer plastic cup and evade capture.
Anyway, you’ll forgive all this incoherent rambling, won’t you? I’ve been spiking a temperature all night hence the delirium. Now I’m off to buy some fresh lemons to make some hot lemon juice for my cold. Although I suppose it’s rather too late now to dose up on the Vitamin C so I guess paracetamol will have to do.